She seemed to be doing better after recovering from that. Summer of 2017 she went hot air ballooning with her best friend, and in August/Sept flew back east to a family reunion on her dad's side of the family. But that trip really tired her out, and messed with her whole body, with swelling and such going on. October 30th she was admitted to the hospital, where tests on the 31st showed that she had another clot in her pump. She got up to use the bathroom early morning on November 1st, and passed out. We made it up there in time to say goodbye; by early afternoon she was gone.
A few days before she went into the hospital, she told me that she wanted this song to be played for her when she was gone - She wasn't feeling well and I think she knew her time was up. Her last night, as I said goodbye, she told me not to worry, that she was ready for whatever was coming - that she KNEW where she was going, that she would be ok:
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when
She stands under my colours, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it oughta be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I've had just enough time
She'll know I'm safe with you when
She stands under my colours, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it oughta be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I've had just enough time
If I die young bury me in satin.
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Jess was sent away on the words of many love songs, and prayers and tears.
My kids that were living with me to help take care of Jess took a job running an Organic Farm south of Salem in February 2018, so they left. Being all alone has been really hard. Missing Jess has been hard. So like a turtle, I took to my shell and have not done much gardening this last year and a half.
I spent from 2006 when Jess came back from college ill, to November of 2017 taking care of Jess, of making her my primary concern every day. For a long time, I didn't know how to function - I think I lived on adrenaline so long, that when I no longer had to, it was just hard to move. Hard to plan. Every time I went out into the garden I cried, so decided to ignore the garden.
Gardens are forgiving, enough if you ignore them. The berries and fruit trees still bear - I had so many tomato starts come up it was funny. I won't be planting so many tomato's again because jess won't be here to eat them all. I will probably dig up the blueberries and give them away - Jess was the only one that liked them. But I have been dreaming about what to put in their place.
So the garden will come back to life this spring, and I will be posting some pics.
